You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

Movies and television don't make you violent; all they do is channel the violence more creatively.

The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!

The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.

So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Not so you'd really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. That is a true oxymoron if I've ever heard one: "Civil War." Do you think anybody in this country could ever really have a civil war? "Say, pardon me?" (shoots gun) "I'm awfully sorry. Awfully sorry."

And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.