If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.

I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back.

Let me get a sip of water here... you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.