I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

Next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.'

A pear is a failed apple.

I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

The patterns became even more vivid at Cardinal Hayes High School. That's when I began failing subjects and running away from home for days at a time.