You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.

If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain

I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.