The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage.

Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists."

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

You can't be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you're not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out.

If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence.