Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Sudden total weight loss.
I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back.
If God created everything, he's got a serious quality control problem.
The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.
If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.