Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.

A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?

They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.