Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.

Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news.

A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?

Does killing time damage eternity?

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.