My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.

We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

Think of how strange we'd look if all the cuts, burns, scrapes, bruises, scratches, bumps, gashes, and scabs we ever had suddenly reappeared on our bodies at the same time.

Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.