My mother didn't get home until about seven most nights and, yes, there was a sense of being very alone after school. She gave me all the proper guidance and influences, but physically, she just couldn't be there.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.

I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she's laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.