Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

The fact that I didn't finish school left me with a lifelong need to prove that I'm smart, prove it to myself, maybe to the world. I [also] needed to be - not the center of attention - but I needed to be able to attract attention when I wanted it, through my stunts and my fooling around physically with faces or postures or voices I would do. Those things are important elements in the drive behind all of this [my career].

If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"

The god excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.