There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you seven. Bad words. That's what they told us they were, remember? 'That's a bad word.' You know bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions.

Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

Every time you're exposed to advertising in America you're reminded that this country's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution, and marketing of bullshit. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure American bullshit.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.