If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.

I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose.

Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.

Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.