More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

I don`t understand a belief that there is an invisible being in the sky who watches over us all the time and keeps score and who throws you in a burning pit. I think that's very limiting, very antihuman. It's the way they devised for helping to control people because if they can make you believe in an invisible man who's going to hurt you later, they can make you believe anything!

You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.

Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.