More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."

You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

I was trying to get out of the night clubs and was thinking maybe I'll go to the colleges now; that's where you can speak your mind.

I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!