When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows; there's just nothing special about their content.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.

I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she's laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke.