More people write poetry than read it.

If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you.

I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.

The person who is most a part of me is the performer, is the standup, the guy who says, "Hey look at me, listen to this!" I do that because that's what I do, I love doing it.