Because Brenda [Carlin] had a drinking problem along with the coke, she had to hit bottom first. Most alcoholics do. And for her, bottom was an automobile accident that almost landed her in jail.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.

People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."; "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."; "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."; "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."

There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.