Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

Cancer research is a growth industry.

A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.