Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.

In my neighborhood - West 121st Street in New York, "white Harlem" - there were only two drugs: smack and marijuana. By the time I was 13, some friends and I were using marijuana fairly regularly. The Reefer Madness myth was still very strong then, but I'd been into jazz and those lyrics included so many casual references to pot that it was completely demystified for me.

The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

I'm a believer that things happen. Fate is what happens.

Tits always look better in a pink sweater.