Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Let's not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine.

I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.

Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids