And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? Not a word. You never hear them say "Jesus made me drop the ball." "The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage." According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. Must be another one of those "miracles."

If you had chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.