I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.

Political discourse has been reduced to "Where's the beef?" "Read my lips," and "Make my day." Where are the assassins when we really need them?

You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.

If God created everything, he's got a serious quality control problem.

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.