Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.

Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. This is not what you expect to find on the resume of a supreme being. It's what you expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.

The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.

Sudden total weight loss.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.