Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.

A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it. If Bush or Reagan owned it, you'd have to kill them to get a piece of pie. That's my feeling about Bill. And Bill's a good bullshitter. America likes a good bullshitter. That's one of the reasons he was re-elected. Honesty has no place in politics. It would throw everything off.

If you had chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?

I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

Let me get a sip of water here... you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.