The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the intellect.

The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it

"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass."

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.

If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll."

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!