Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
George CarlinI did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George CarlinI was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George CarlinMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George CarlinNo matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you're screwed because it's all fixed and rigged. There is a club and you ain't in it.
George CarlinI'm not an angry person, just very disappointed and contemptuous of my fellow humans' choices - and on stage those feelings sometimes are exaggerated for a theatric stage - you're on a stage you have an audience of 2500 or 3000 people: you need to project the feelings, the emotions it's heightened, and people mistake it for a personal anger but it's more dissatisfaction, disappointment and contempt for these things we've settled for.
George Carlin