Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home.

I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

You don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus’s, do you? No, you don’t see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? No, that might be something Christ would do.

I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.