Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife--because the music hadn't been beautiful enough.

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind

The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.

McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.