It was just a compulsion. In fact, I soon realized that the only thing I really enjoyed was the actual snorting.

I don't understand the problem with paroling Charles Manson? I say set him free and let him get on with his work. I have a long list of celebrities I'd be glad to share with him.

There are only two places in the world: over here and over there.

The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.