Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.

The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.

Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work.