When I see a large group of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.

Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?