Grass [marijuana] probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. But, on the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.

They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't in it. You and I are not in the big club. By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table is tilted, folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on.

Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations; he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.

Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.

I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you.

The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.