Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.

"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass."

When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.

The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage.

I like to say two things in life that mean the most: genetics and luck. When you look at it realistically, genetics is luck too. Because you could have been born in some really terrible situation and never had a chance to realize yourself or see who you were. And so the luck of genetics and then after that, circumstances, those are the two guiding things.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.