Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.

On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.