Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.

When I see a large group of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!

Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can come up with.