So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it. If Bush or Reagan owned it, you'd have to kill them to get a piece of pie. That's my feeling about Bill. And Bill's a good bullshitter. America likes a good bullshitter. That's one of the reasons he was re-elected. Honesty has no place in politics. It would throw everything off.

The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas.