May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

Movies and television don't make you violent; all they do is channel the violence more creatively.

It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?

The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.