I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.

I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio.

Let's not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make a contribution to.

One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.