The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.

I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.

My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.

Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.