Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George CarlinI went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George CarlinTo me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesn't need guidance from.
George CarlinAnd, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George CarlinI'm not an angry person, just very disappointed and contemptuous of my fellow humans' choices - and on stage those feelings sometimes are exaggerated for a theatric stage - you're on a stage you have an audience of 2500 or 3000 people: you need to project the feelings, the emotions it's heightened, and people mistake it for a personal anger but it's more dissatisfaction, disappointment and contempt for these things we've settled for.
George Carlin