Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.

Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.

I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.