And this should go without saying. That's why I'm going to say it: Drinking and driving don't mix. Do your drinking early in the morning and get it out of the way. Then go driving while the visibility is still good.

I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body

In my fifth-grade yearbook - it's right up there on the top shell - the last page says, "What about your future?" and under my name, it says, "When I grow up, I would like to be either an actor, a radio announcer, an impersonator or a comedian."