I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

To me the cynics are the ones in the boardrooms with the reports from the focus groups.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.