I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?

Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself."

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.

Tits always look better in a pink sweater.

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National

I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.