I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don't confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.

As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.

More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

Somebody once said that Hollywood is based on a lot of producers deliberately making bad movies, and every now and then somebody gets lucky.

Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.