I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.

Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic.