When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
George CarlinSome people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George CarlinI consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you.
George CarlinI believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin