Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.

When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are.

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?