Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.

Tits always look better in a pink sweater.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can come up with.

You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.