As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.

A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?

There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.

I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.