They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.

Your home is your refuge.

Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's an inconvenience.