It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy.

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body

I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty, they will need things like the drugs they choose to use. Mankind has wanted to change the way it felt from the beginning anyway. In this country there are even more reasons to want to feel different, to want to feel better, because this is such a neon sewer. This is such a degrading culture. It forces you to play Beethoven to your child in the uterus so that he will get into a better school and a better job and make more money so he can take care of you.

Let me get a sip of water here... you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.

That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.

Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.

Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.