I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.

I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.