I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.

Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?

There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you seven. Bad words. That's what they told us they were, remember? 'That's a bad word.' You know bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions.